The Storm

This prompt continues with Mav’s Story. This is the 5th installment so if you’re new and would like to read it in chronological order, read it all HERE. This picks up shortly after Jealous Distraction.

Lightning raced toward us, the echoing boom several seconds behind.

My death hold around John’s waist tightened. “Get me the hell off this bike!”

“Almost there.” He weaved through the city streets, veering through the occasional alleyway.

“I used to live here, John. You’ve been driving in circles for thirty minutes. Stop this damn thing or I’m jumping off!”

“Two blocks, Mav.”

“Hurry.” I inhaled the leather of his jacket, my body clenched around his.

Wind in my hair, flying over the open road.

Waiting for the straightway to creep my hands beneath his T-shirt, tracing the lines of his six pack before moving them lower.

The bright crackle arced above my head, the simultaneous boom so close it reverberated over the rumble of the motorcycle.

The heavens opened seconds later, drenching us.

“John!”

Too late, we pulled into a driveway, the rickety garage opening before us as we sped into it, my body forced into his as he braked too quickly.

“Wait here.” He vanished before I could argue.

Thunder shook the walls, the wind roared, and rain slammed the roof and windows.

I climbed off the bike, my legs shaky, barely able to hold me. I stumbled to the tool bench, curling into a tiny ball beneath it.

I needed my pills. Now.

He found me there. Minutes, maybe hours later.

“Mav?” His voice was soft, gentle. “I’m here now. We can go inside.”

He didn’t wait for a response and cradled me in his arms, jogging between the garage and house as rain pelted us.

I held on for dear life, as lightning lit the air around me, paired with another crash.

“I have you, Mav. It’s ok. Hold on.”

“My pills.” I finally choked the words out.

A muttered curse answered me. “All I have is your license, cash, and credit cards.”

I trembled as another boom vibrated the room, my heart threatening to explode.

The kitchen. Harsh fluorescent light. Cupboards slammed. Glasses clinked.

The scent of an old friend, begging me.

“Drink.”

The familiar taste of Uncle Jack on my lips, coughing as it ran down my throat, leaving a trail of fire.

The vise in my throat lessened and I gulped with greed. “More.”

He set me down, releasing me. “Sorry, Mav. Your stomach is empty. Anymore and you’ll be over the toilet all night. I’ll get a bath ready. Will you be okay for a minute?”

I lied and he left.

More thunder.

I quickly poured another shot, the sloshing noise so loud, I was certain he would hear.

I tossed it back, the fire slightly less. I poured another.

I walked up to the front, facing the dozen people in front of me.

I rubbed the new shiny chip in my hand.

“My name is Madison and I’m an alcoholic. It’s been two years since I had my last drink.”

The thunder echoed again and I tossed the shot back, already feeling the wooziness slide over me.

I poured a fourth drink, half of it spilling on the table as the bottle disappeared from my hand.

“I need you here, Mav.”

I lurched into his arms, draping my arms around his neck again. “Oh, I’m here, baby.”

“That hit fast. Let’s get you cleaned up before you pass out.”

The arms again, and I burrowed my head into his neck, smelling the rain mingled with…him. I wondered if he tasted the same.

I licked his neck, the saltiness bursting on my tongue as my body caught fire.

I needed him.

He put me down next to an ancient claw footed bathtub. “Can you undress yourself?”

“Sure.”

“Hell, you can’t even stand straight. Arms up.”

“Make me forget. Please.”

His hands and mouth covered my body, my moans drowning out the rolling thunder.

My wet shirt made a sucking sound as he peeled it from my skin.

“Sit.”

I tumbled to the floor and he struggled to pull off my soaked jeans.

My lacy bra followed, joining the puddle on the tile.

I hoisted myself up using the tub, clad in only my panties.

“Make me forget, John.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A Red Dress Club writing prompt

Red Writing Hood

Let’s continue on with our prompts based on the Seven Deadly Sins.

This week, it’s all about gluttony – eating and drinking to excess.

We can’t wait to see what your characters do, if you’re writing fiction. Word limit is 600.

Constructive criticism is welcomed! What worked? What didn’t?

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About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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30 Responses to The Storm

  1. Stephanie says:

    Why did he make her wait in the rain? Why does Mav need pills?

    My wet shirt emitted a sucking sound as he peeled it from my skin. >> I HEARD this. Fully clearly in my mind. Excellent!

    Does John cave and make her forget? AH! I want to know! More please!

  2. Frelle says:

    awesome. fantastic. complicated. descriptive sensorily and emotionally. lots of questions this time around, like the previous commenter said… YAY! well done and more please!

  3. Galit Breen says:

    I have chills. CHILLS! You rocked this post. I love these characters and am anxious to see where they 0ahem- end up next.

    All of your descriptions- his voice, the heavens, the chip- draw me in with the perfect amount of detail. I can picture it in my mind, but am not bogged down.

    Seriously girl? Well done!

    • Chills? Really?

      (insert happy sighs)

      I should write delirious more often.

      I was wondering if I had enough description – the word count limits it quite a bit. Thanks for the feedback, it is always appreciated.

  4. Amy says:

    There were a few sins going on in here 🙂 Such a great read! I can’t wait for the next installment!

  5. These two have SO much history!
    WHO WROTE THE NOTE!! I can’t forget that part… I need more from this series!
    Omg.. you need to write a book.

    • I plan on seeing if this turns into a book. Or novella. Who knows?

      I’m sure your questions will be answered, eventually.

      I’m quite curious as well, and just want to go lock myself in a room and write.

  6. So she’s not preggers hunh? ! OMG! What happens now????

    • Almost everything in italics is a memory, not present day, with a few rare exceptions.

      The “letting him believe the lie” line was one such memory, brought on by the similarity of her current circumstances. 🙂

  7. Carrie says:

    You built the tension really well with this. I’m sorry she ended up caving to alcohol, I have a feeling this will change her life in a way she doesn’t want or need.

    And really, will we get to find out about that note?? Who wrote it, what is going on??

    NEED TO KNOW!! 🙂

  8. This was so much fun, Kelly! I love that she had the drink, that she’s being all crazy. And I like how you keep introducing new little things to make us wonder what’s going on. Can’t wait to read more!

    • Thanks Cheryl! I love Red Writing Hood prompts and discovering how they drive the story. It is so much fun to write and read.

      I hope “lust” is next, although I’m certain I could work any of the sins in…

  9. Ilana says:

    See! You totally figured out how to use the prompt to continue the story. Love the line about the pills. You always keep us guessing. And the flashback to AA. And I love how she is resistant but can’t help herself all at once. Not even a thought about the boyfriend back home, ey?

    Also— I totally buy their sexual tension. You write it so well. It’s basically Mav’s stream of consciousness isn’t it? I loved it. Can’t wait for more!

    • This one did have a very “stream of consciousness feel” because she was so very out of it.

      My characters keep me guessing, I just pass on the “love”.

      Old habits are so easy to fall into. Poor Danny.

  10. This line caught me, “I licked his neck, the saltiness bursting on my tongue as my body caught fire” Nice job.
    I like the blockiness of the sentences. Abrupt but it still flows nicely:)
    This was fun to read. I’m a recovered alcoholic so I love stories I can relate to.

  11. Geri says:

    Excellent – passion and need all balled up and twisted. I loved the flashbacks and the detail there (the shiny chip). Waiting patiently (sort of) for the next installment!

    • So you’re (sort of) patiently waiting? Is that close to the patience level of my 4 year old waiting for Christmas, or a bit more controlled? 🙂

      Balled up and twisted. I like that.

      I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Thanks for reading!

  12. kir says:

    Oh Kelly, wow, that was explosive and telling. I loved the line about her chip..and as always your endings make want more. Such a good story!

  13. What I love about your pieces is that the background is never forgotten. I can hear the thunder, taste the rain – it’s all very crucial and compliments the dialogue and action perfectly. And it acts to intensify the scenarios. Great writing!

  14. Melanie says:

    Wow. Wow. I love how her vulnerability shines through. I love how clear her tension was throughout the piece because of your words. I love how you began in the middle of the action. These are the things that worked for me along with the piece as a whole. You are such a good storyteller. The end came too quickly for me. Can’t wait to see what’s next.

    Amazing piece! Visiting from TRDC.

  15. Steamy! I love steamy. Tracing his abs?

    Yummy.

  16. 1. Love the heat between these two.
    2. Love the details that ground the story and make the reader experience the action with the character (the rain slamming against the house, the sucking sound of her wet shirt).
    3. Love you write in a way that makes me care for the character. Dammit John, ! know you’re trying to protect Mav, but could you have been a little more conscious of her fear of storms? Maybe if you hadn’t disappeared you’d have known about her alcoholism. Jerk!
    See!
    4. Thank you Kelly for continuing their story, I look forward to seeing whats in store for these two.

    I honestly thought that I had critique for this post but after reading it agagin on a cup of coffee and then after a day of using my brain, it wasn’t near as fuzzy as it was upon first review.

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