Hangover

This prompt continues with Mav’s Story. This is the 6th installment so if you’re new and would like to read it in chronological order, read the previous parts HERE.

*****

Naked.

I was naked.

My hair and body still damp, wet sheets twisted around my torso.

Black. The room was layered with it. Not even the glow of an alarm clock.

Silence. The storm long gone.

“I don’t recommend turning on the light.” John’s voice whispered mere inches from my ear.

The tickle of it scared me and I nearly fell off the bed. “Jesus, don’t do that!” A thousand needles pierced my skull at the movement. “Oh God.”

“I wouldn’t move either.”

“Now you tell me.” I lowered my voice to match his. Every part of my body wanted to die.

“Will you be okay if I leave the room for a few minutes?”

“I’ve been fine for five years. A few minutes are nothing.”

A sigh escaped as the bed shifted the tiniest bit. I sensed him move across the room, his footfalls undetectable.

Wrapped in his arms, our skin sticking as summer spilled through the window.

I traced the lines of his arm. “I want to stay here forever. With you.”

“Bed? Or were you thinking bigger, like the entire state?”

“Both. I never want to move again.”

He chuckled. “I think your dad might notice.”

“He told me to marry you.”

The arms left me. “What?”

I rolled to face him. “He said I should get pregnant so you’d marry me.”

“You mean my trust fund?” He crawled out of bed, giving me the full view of his naked body. “I don’t receive it until I’m twenty-one. A long time to watch a squalling brat.”

“I don’t want kids. You know I just want your body.” I teased him, trying to elicit a smile.

“I’m leaving, Mav. When I get it. I’m gone.”

I shoved the disappointment away. “I know. I only want right now. Fuck the future.”

He slid his jeans back on, forgoing the underwear. “Don’t you want anything? To see the world? Have a career? Move out of your dad’s house?”

“I wouldn’t mind a replay of ten minutes ago….”

“I’m serious, Mav. What’s your dream?”

You.

“A bottle of tequila, some limes, and an ice cube?”

“That’s what you want to do with your life? Alcohol?” He climbed back onto my bed. “You’re better than that, Mav.” He fingered a stray lock of my hair, before tucking it behind my ear.

“Here.” A warm hand found mine with uncanny precision, pressing a few pills into it.

“What are they?”

“Aspirin.”

I slowly sat up, not caring about the sheet sliding off my torso. I swallowed them, their dryness leaving a bitter taste.

His fingers found mine again, wrapping them around a cup. “Water.”

I gulped it down.

“Easy. You don’t want to be sick again. I have some crackers for you too.”

A rustling noise, his hands again guiding mine to the prize.

I nibbled on a cracker.

“How much, Mav?”

“Huh?” My stomach gurgled, this time in ravenous hunger. I popped the rest of the cracker in my mouth and grabbed another.

“The whiskey. One shot would not have had you curled up in a fetal position all night.”

He leaned in, greeting me with a hot kiss. “Damn, Mav. You taste like a bar. I thought you were going to wait for me.”

“It’s been a while.” Two? Three? Four? I couldn’t remember.

“Define a while.”

“Two years, nine months, twenty-one days and… twelve hours…give or take?”

“Aw hell. AA?”

“Yeah.” Crumbs stuck to my chest, as I continued eating.

“Fuck, Mav! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You never asked. I wanted to tell you in person, but -”

“Forgive me.” Hot lips covered mine.

I dropped the crackers.

A Red Dress Club writing prompt

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Another week, another deadly sin. Why not?

For this week’s prompt, let’s talk about sloth. Emotional or spiritual apathy. It’s not doing what we think we should. It is closer to apathy than it is to simply being lazy. It is putting your kids in front of the TV instead of playing with them, for instance.

A special thanks to nocturnal writing buddy @in_mandyland for assuring a delirious me this post wasn’t a total loss and not to hit delete.

Constructive criticism is always welcomed and wanted.

Advertisements

About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos (www.writingwithchaos.com) sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
This entry was posted in Fiction, Writing Prompt and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Hangover

  1. NC Narrator says:

    Mav’s back! Awesome as always – you definitely have a knack for painting the picture!

  2. Nadya Booyse says:

    Well written, expertly tied to the prompt. This is the kind off story one could get into.

  3. Galit Breen says:

    I adore this story line Kelly. I’m so attached to these characters and am so very glad that you’re pushing them forward.

    I always root for Mav. But I do feel for John here. Not knowing, big mistakes, and all that.

    The dialogue really pushed this piece forward. I love the emotion, the sensuality.

    My favorite line, though, is: “A thousand needles pierced my skull at the movement.” for the poetry of it.

  4. Bellymonster says:

    Aggghhhhhhhh!!!! More. Need more!! NOW!

    Am a little bit in love with the man who lives in your head. Hope you’re ok with that.

  5. This is a fantastic storyline!!
    I can’t wait to read more….

  6. Carrie says:

    Very smooth, great flow. The dialogue sounds very natural and I love the interspersed thoughts and memories from Mav

  7. Kir says:

    loving the storyline, these two people have me interested in them. Plus your dialouge is spot on, the imagery (Her eating the crackers and shunning the questions) were brilliant.

    as always your words are just about perfect.

  8. mamamezzo says:

    This is awesome. I have to read the rest now. I love the “what’s your dream” “you” part. So lovely and sad. Nice work!

  9. Kim says:

    Excellent dialogue! I enjoyed reading this. Easy flow, realistic. Great job with the prompt.

  10. Lori says:

    i love that i didn’t get hung up on anything as i read. i was able to be there in the moment with the characters because it flowed so well. nice.

  11. Stacey says:

    I love the characters. I always want to know more about them. And great tie-in to the prompt!

  12. Ooh! It’s getting hot! I like the take on the prompt. I actually forgot about that when I was reading!

  13. Stephanie says:

    Wow. I’m glad she convinced you to keep this. This is wonderful. I love the build up, the let downs, the memories so beautifully crafted with your words.

    Hmmm…this is going to be another hard one…Yeah, I’ve reread 3 times, and there is absolutely nothing that doesn’t work for me. You did really well with this one.

    ~~The Drama Mama

    http://frommywriteside.blogspot.com/2011/05/i-do-murder-you.html

  14. angela says:

    Your dialogue is so perfect. It sounds real AND moves the story.

    I felt for both of them by the end of this.

    I don’t know if it’s necessarily a critique, but I’d have to know more about Mav’s dad to know if the “get pregnant so he’ll marry you” part is realistic. I just can’t picture very many dads saying that to their daughters, even with trust funds involved. Maybe I’m naive?

  15. CDG says:

    I love the last moment, when he realizes the impact of what she’s saying.

    The story just keeps getting stronger. And way to work sloth into it!

  16. Mandyland says:

    What I really like here is the fact that he thinks he knows her so well, but, in reality, he’s been gone through some major times in her life.

    Great job!

  17. Anastasia says:

    I now need to go back and read the rest of this obviously.

Comments are closed.