Go back in the archives and pick a fiction or nonfiction piece. Find something that you’re proud of, but something you haven’t read for awhile.
Do a complete overhaul. Change the point of view. Write it from a different perspective. Play with tense or organizational structure. You know, kill those babies.
Oh, and by the way? Trim it down to 400 words or less.
This was originally written in first person from Kammie’s perspective in The Dare (if you want to read it first) – one of my first fiction pieces which had favorable “reviews”. I’m curious how “the remake” works from her friend Cyn’s view point.
* * * Haze * * *
His hands were hot, sliding over her bare skin. If she closed her eyes, she could pretend Mark’s hands, not Seth’s, graced her body.
Or was it Sam’s? Sean’s?
It definitely started with an “s”.
“Let’s race to the buoy and back. Last person back to the boat has to buy everyone’s drinks all night,” Chet said, breaking the fantasy she’d worked so hard to weave.
Two other couples glared at him for the interruption. Only Kammie and Chet remained apart.
“I don’t swim,” Cyn said, eyes glazed over from too much tequila, using the interruption to take another swig from a bottle that littered the deck. It was her spring break and damn if she’d spend it sober and crying. “Kammie will win anyway.” She raised the bottle in a half-hearted toast to her friend, hiding the smile on her face.
“Is that right?” Chet said, sneering as he stared at her best friend. “Me and you then. The buoy and back.” He stripped off his ratty T-shirt, the late afternoon sun displaying a body already past its prime, the beginnings of a beer belly rounding an otherwise toned stomach.
Cyn cringed. Hot friend, my ass. Seth/Sam/Sean had lied to get them to join his fraternity brothers and Cyn knew her bestie would ream her about it later. If Kammie didn’t finally lighten up once she dived into the water and trounced the jackass.
The liar’s hands were back, tracing her sides, down to her bikini bottoms. She downed another shot from the bottle and straddled his hips, closing her eyes again as she imagined her former fiancé’s hands touching her instead.
Kammie and Chet’s conversation faded, as she focused on the hands, slipping into her bikini, grabbing her bottom.
Cyn didn’t hear the splashes as the dare between the two unfolded, too busy grinding her hips against the body.
She floated in the bubbled haze of intoxication and desire, as he lifted and carried her to the small cabin beneath the deck.
When the engine rumbled to life she was lost to the pounding of the stranger on top of her, imagining the one she’d loved since high school.
“Mark,” Cyn said, moaning as she dug her nails into the muscled back.
“Se. Bas. Tian.” The syllables escaped with each thrust.
She sighed in response, not hearing a word while the boat sped away without her friend.
* * *
Concrit is welcomed as always.
Obviously the twist ending wasn’t a surprise if you’ve read it before, but I’m curious what either A) you think of this piece in general or B) how this compares to the original.
After writing this, I have a sudden urge to rewrite it again from Kammie’s perspective and clean up the mistakes glaring at me – I just didn’t think I could shorten it to 400 words for the prompt.
Maybe I’ll go do that now.