Desperately Seeking

DWF desperately seeks M or F age 21-65 to take 2 y/o demon spawn off hands. He loves trains, trucks, and tantrums. Discovered jelly serves multiple purposes of hair gel, paint, and food. Does not comprehend “no” but will do anything for goldfish crackers. Excellent treasure hunter. Knows anatomy and not afraid to point it out. In public.

Need NS to babysit afternoons and weekends.

You must be able to cook SpongeBob-shaped pancakes and sing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and “Bad Romance”.  Knowledge of Bon Jovi’s greatest hits a plus. You should not be allergic to jelly or fruit snacks. CPR training required along with Heimlich maneuver knowledge. Best if you have N/K of own – he is enough.

All things non-negotiable.

Unless you bring me chocolate, give foot massages, and/or clean/cook at no additional cost.

Then you’re hired.

* * *

Let’s have fun this week. We want you to write a personal ad for your character, like one you would find on a dating site. The ad should tell us about your character, but should not be a laundry list – and no cliches about walks on the beach.

Make it interesting, unexpected. Is there something your character is trying to hide that you can tell by reading between the lines? Would we know which character it was (if you have a recurring one) by reading the ad? Will something be revealed?

If you are going to do creative non-fiction, write an ad for a friend – or an enemy. Write an ad about the self you want to be, or even the one you were at a different time in your life.

We’re not looking for the ad to be part of a piece – we want it to be THE piece.

And we’d like you to do it in 300 words or less.



About Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

Kelly K has learned the five steps to surviving of motherhood: 1) Don't get mad. Grab your camera. 2) Take a photograph. 3) Blog about it. 4) Laugh. 5) Repeat. She shares these tales at Dances with Chaos in order to preserve what tiny amount of sanity remains. You can also find her on her sister blog, Writing with Chaos ( sharing memoir and engaging in her true love: fiction writing. It's cheaper than therapy.
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31 Responses to Desperately Seeking

  1. This was a really cute. I love the twists and edges you put in it, and the ending was fabulous.

  2. This was so cute. And anything that involves Bon Jovi’s greatest hits is a winner with me!

  3. Erin says:

    Loves trains trucks and tantrums….LMAO I think I have TWO Of those at home.
    And why did I immediately see him sitting all nicey nice because you had a bag of goldfish! HAHA

  4. Sweaty says:

    Hahahaha… sounds like a cutie demon! Wish I could just borrow him and return him to you later. But you did state, all things non-negotiable, right? *sigh* lol

  5. Kir says:

    So perfect, it’s the ideal ad of any mom with a child age 1-5 LOL…I thouroughly enjoyed it, especially the end. Becuase, really, all things are negotiable. 😉

  6. Anastasia says:

    I think I might borrow this ad and use it for myself.

  7. Suniverse says:

    This is great! I love the non-negotiable UNLESS.

    Very nice.

  8. angela says:

    Jelly as hair gel. Sigh. Where do they get these ideas?

    I’m not sure whether to laugh or offer up a day at a spa 🙂

    • I would take either offer.

      And really, you can substitute jelly for any food mashed into a child’s fingers, because it is certain to end up in their hair.

      If this had been true, I think “banana” or “yogurt” would’ve been used, and the 2 year old would be a girl…

  9. christina says:

    ha, i LOVE THIS. 😀

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  11. Carrie says:

    Ha ha! I love the requirement for SpongeBob pancakes 🙂 That’s something I would need in my want ad too!

  12. Too freakin’ fun! Many a mama can relate to this one, I’m sure. And oh the jelly as hair gel…ack! Love it! :>

    PS Would you believe Farscape made it’s way into my character’s personal ad? ;>

  13. I love your sense of humor! I especially enjoyed the need for music diversity – at our house I have to be able to sing Edelweiss and Moves Like Jagger. Great post.

    • Edelweiss is a great one, but never really done much for the kids, and the range doesn’t fit in the small window of 5 notes I can hit. 🙂

      Lil Diva actually used to cry when I sang, so horrible it was. She’d only let my friend sing to her.

      Luckily, my character can sing. Sort of.

  14. CDG says:


    I can sing “Bad Romance” in addition to “Itsy-Bitsy Spider” and the early Bon Jovi catalog. Maybe that’s what’s been missing on my nannying resume!

  15. I’m laughing about your new found uses of jelly! I don’t have any kids, but my cousin has 5 year old twin boys. Their hair gelling routing is comical. I am going to suggest jelly. 🙂

  16. Jackie says:

    I love how you’re open to any age, male or female! Good luck in the hunt! LOL!

  17. Finding that person would be a dream come true!!

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