DWF desperately seeks M or F age 21-65 to take 2 y/o demon spawn off hands. He loves trains, trucks, and tantrums. Discovered jelly serves multiple purposes of hair gel, paint, and food. Does not comprehend “no” but will do anything for goldfish crackers. Excellent treasure hunter. Knows anatomy and not afraid to point it out. In public.
Need NS to babysit afternoons and weekends.
You must be able to cook SpongeBob-shaped pancakes and sing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and “Bad Romance”. Knowledge of Bon Jovi’s greatest hits a plus. You should not be allergic to jelly or fruit snacks. CPR training required along with Heimlich maneuver knowledge. Best if you have N/K of own – he is enough.
All things non-negotiable.
Unless you bring me chocolate, give foot massages, and/or clean/cook at no additional cost.
Then you’re hired.
* * *
Let’s have fun this week. We want you to write a personal ad for your character, like one you would find on a dating site. The ad should tell us about your character, but should not be a laundry list – and no cliches about walks on the beach.
Make it interesting, unexpected. Is there something your character is trying to hide that you can tell by reading between the lines? Would we know which character it was (if you have a recurring one) by reading the ad? Will something be revealed?
If you are going to do creative non-fiction, write an ad for a friend – or an enemy. Write an ad about the self you want to be, or even the one you were at a different time in your life.
We’re not looking for the ad to be part of a piece – we want it to be THE piece.
And we’d like you to do it in 300 words or less.